Today I am showing up in a vulnerable state.
Today I failed at something really important to me in my coaching journey. I made the decision during an online proctored assessment to go to the bathroom... and the exam was terminated half-way as a consequence.
I could repeat in loop: I should have known better, prepped better, done better... I know it won't change the outcome and will make me feel bad (the double arrow in the heart). I know because I have done that a lot in the past.
I have been talking here about how important it is to embrace failure as a part of our learning & growth journey.
Fear of failure is a huge trigger of anxiety. Working with my clients on redefining failure and embracing a growth mindset is part of the journey to let go of anxiety.
"Either you win, either you learn"
And I am sharing my failure with you because It is important to me to walk my talk. Not only There is nothing to be ashamed of and to hide. It is OK to be vulnerable and open up about my imperfect self and my imperfect journey.
It is part of my journey of growing. And it is up to me to turn it into an opportunity to grow and bounce forward.
Most of my anxiety at work has come from my deep fear of failure. So it feels like a big win to me today to be able to say honestly: it is OK to fail.
Of course, I went first through a roller coaster of emotions that included shame, guilt, anger, disappointment, sadness...
And I allowed myself to go through all of them.
Then I took some deep breaths and asked myself what was the best I could do now, what would serve me the best now:
1. Be kind with myself
2. Reflect on what to do differently next time
like no drinks before the exam 😅, but also a better prep of the space I will take the test in and focus on breathing during the exam)
3. Take action: Find out how to Reschedule the exam (I feel much better since I contacted the support)
My old self would be beating herself up right now and drowning in anxiety about the consequences, facing the judgment of others, facing my judgment...
But the worked I did on myself is paying off and I am actually looking for the learnings here and how to transform this in a success next time.
And most importantly, not only am I acknowledging my feelings,
I am extended to myself love and compassion. I am treating myself with grace and kindness.
Yes I may be a bit down today. I may not have my normal level of energy. It is totally OK. I had a lot of professional plans based on passing this assessment and I invested time in prepping.
Now, I am gonna go on a walk in the park, get some sun and cool air, get a nice cup of green ginger tea and cuddle with the man I love.
And I am celebrating myself for the progress I have made over the years in dealing with failure.
I would love to hear from you on how comfortable you are about opening up about your failures and how you process these experiences of failure?