The anxiety, constantly simmering in the background, this discomfort in the guts, this tightness in the chest, this constriction in the throat.
I remember a conversation I had a few years ago with my friend Stephane, who used to work with me at a software company as I was in late twenties, in sales.
I shared with him how stressed out and over anxious I was at work. He looked at me with so much surprise: “you were anxious? I never noticed anything. I don’t think anybody did”
I remember going to work everyday with my guts and stomach upside down. I was having constant thoughts of not being good enough, worrying I will not meet my sales numbers, wondering when everybody will realize I was a total fraud.
For years, nobody noticed. My boss and colleagues enjoyed working with me. I was so professional. Always going the extra step. Always meeting my deadlines. Always smiling. Always willing to help.
Inside it was a mental war zone. From the outside, I looked like a happy overachiever.
My results at work were good. My experience of my life was terrible. I was in so much psychological pain.
What is fascinating to me now, looking back, is that I accepted all this pain.
If my best friend would have shared a tenth of what I was enduring inside, I would have told her: “you cannot keep going this way. You deserve better.
Take a break, take care of yourself. Your health and well-being are the priority”
I paid a very high price for not giving myself the self-compassion I deserved: I went through several burnouts and a 1-year depression with bi-polar symptoms.
Looking back, I wish I got the support I needed to pause and reflect, I wished I had open up about what I was experiencing. I wish I reached out to someone who could help me understand what this anxiety was telling me and create the changes I needed to set free of it.
My heart goes with all of the anxious overachievers who look successful from the outside, but experience hell inside. I know the courage it takes to push through everyday. I know the pain. I know you feel trapped in your anxiety, like it is part of you. You may even think it is what is making you successful in your work.
I also know you can transform your experience of life.
It is really clear to me that my mission is to support you to break the vicious circle of anxiety, to take control back on your life and create a life you love.
The time is now to start this journey.
There is much more to you and your life.
Reclaim your inherent right to peace and joy.
I am here to support you.